Drowning

(Warning: Author is at liberty to exaggerate)

2017 is the year that seems to have the whole world drowning, Trump as President, the UK breaking from the EU and those are just the big encompassing subjects the world talks about, ignoring the changing climate, the wars in the Middle East, the famines in Africa, the political demonstrations in Russia – with over 7 billion people on Earth to name all the troubles would take…time. To be quite honest with over 7 billion people on the Earth how the heck is it all still going? Like think about it. Actually probably don’t, it might send you down the deep rabbit hole of existentialism. Had enough of that for one weekend.

During the past month or so it seems like my past has been coming back to haunt me. People who for various reasons came and then went from my life. This started me thinking about the whole deep shitty mess some of us were in and how we tried to help. But the problem is, we are all slowly drowning, each with a hand, sometimes no more than a fingertip above the waves trying to find someone to help.

I seem to remember someone telling me that you have to be careful saving someone who is drowning, as they are just as likely to pull you under the water in their panic as you are of saving them. This covers not just the literal sense of drowning but the figurative sense of trying to help someone who is in a constant battle with their brain. So how do you help? That is something I am still trying to figure out – add that to my ever-growing list.

As long as you have the strength to keep swimming through the waves then keeping yourself going is partly an option, it just makes it harder when your legs get heavy, arms weak and brain dark when you have no one by your side to help you swim. But with 7 billion people in the world each focussed on their own lives how does anyone get by? Each little life floating by one another, like pieces of a ship wreck bobbing in the waves occasionally meeting then being pulled away by the current.

Sometimes you can feel yourself drowning, your head keeps slipping under and you cough on the water as you try to breathe, flailing, managing one breath. Any one else as kid in the swimming pool would lie on their backs float with their head as far back as they could go, the water lapping at the edges around your mouth and nose, the feeling of drowning without the actual action of it because you can still calmly take a small breath? (Would just like to clear up that as a small child this is not what went through my brain, it was just fun to float and see where the water took you, but is the best analogy in keeping with the drowning double entendre.) Anyhow, sometimes, it feels like a calm sense of drowning where you are but it can get worse. Then the black cloud arrives overheard, your eyes close as you feel the wind starting to rush past, the rain pouring, the waves bucking and you sink further into the water, your face completely covered this time no opportunity to take a breath that isn’t melded hydrogen and oxygen (all you scientific folks shut up I know but this is english so deal with it). Then maybe a ray of sunshine appears, and the waves batter you in their own rhythm which you can get used to, taking advantage of it in order to breathe, but as you get used to it the storm arrives again and the panic sets in as you realise you have no idea what is going on in this ocean anymore.

Well that was a fun rollercoaster into a metaphor wasn’t it…such fun. 2017 as a year seems to be breaking people and the world it seems, with myself not an exception but there is a bright side at least Spiderman Homecoming is out soon! Anyhow, I’m going to make myself some toast (if there is any bread in the house) and ride this fucking storm out because it can’t last forever can it? Wow, that was the most optimism I have seen from myself like ever, we’ll ignore it as a fluke don’t worry.

Here’s to the year of continued drowning,

S

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