A New Year typically for the society I ‘belong’ to starts on 1st January. For teachers and those in education it might feel like September, with June/July being the end. Those months in the middle a limbo of time to enjoy the sun and other such summer stereotypes. These both held true for me, but often tied into it was the end of the hockey season, typically Easter time. The end of the hockey season usually meant the beginning of the summer term at school, the start of exams and revision, the end of training and waiting until it began again 5 months later.
This Saturday marks the last match of the season which in itself feels odd as it doesn’t feel like I have played much hockey this year, to me I still feel like I have something to prove. Yet this year is also the first year out of education for me, added onto the early onset of the end of the season and the lack of anything after it I am left feeling…well lost. I knew, or at least I had fooled myself into thinking I knew, when I left uni that I would no longer have anything pinning me to deadlines and schedules, but the reality of this is confusing, especially for someone who enjoyed the whole learning thing and being in a schedule (people who think they know me – stop laughing, I can hear you).
Since leaving uni I have nothing to add to my life – I mean since January I have read 17 books which is something I guess? Oh and maybe my month long stint working in Waterstones as a Christmas temp. But looking at social media and seeing uni people on field trips to Cyprus, Sicily and Malawi I feel stuck in the house, isolated and unaccomplished. Yeah, poor me – maybe if I got out of bed I might achieve something, don’t worry I have heard all that before thanks. With hockey it was the only thing I wanted to get out of bed for and it leaving me so soon I am not sure what I am going to do. (To be fair summer league starts after Easter but even then that halves the amount I am currently doing.) Not to mention that this might be my last season with this team, the team that literally have carried me through some of the worst days even though they don’t know it. Overall, it is a weird siutation and I am not able to express it as well as I would like to.
So here is a brigher slightly happier update from the past because the present sucks balls. (I recommend you do not google the phrase ‘sucks balls’ in order to try and find a similar but more accurate phrase, just don’t…or do I guess, the internet is for everyone.) Two years ago today I was dressed up as a zombie with a couple of friends helping another friend make their media project. This is one of my favourite memories from that year, it was nearly summer, the day warm, the sea really fucking cold, a group of people that kept me laughing and being dressed as a zombie getting some very strange looks. Oh and don’t forget the snacks!
One of the shots that my friend wanted was to get a zombie slowly appearing from the ocean and making its way up the beach, as I have already mentioned the sea this time of year is really fucking cold so there were not many volunteers. To me that sounded like great fun so I volunteered as tribute as the pop culture references say. In I went barefoot (in hindsight a bad idea, for the cuts on my feet from the rocks mixed with the salt were a little painful), with jeans and ripped shirt on – lacking in full zombie makeup but the cold of the sea resulted in quite a blue face for the footage anyway. It was quite a liberating experience, felt like quite a movie star with people ready on the beach with towels to dry me off, another with a drink and my friend directing with a camera at their hands. There was one clever group of youths that tried to shout abuse at us with several quotes including ‘you look like a zombie…’ to which we nodded and continued on.
Two years later and it seems like the zombie part is the only thing that hasn’t changed,